Partygate? Just Some Overblown Office Shenanigans, Says Kemi Badenoch

When is a Party Not a Party? Apparently When it’s Held at Downing Street During Lockdown.

Partygate. The scandal ignited more outrage than anyone thought possible over an office "gathering" during the world’s strictest lockdowns. It’s hard to forget the tabloids blowing up with stories of ministers cracking open the Prosecco while the rest of the UK was learning new hobbies like sourdough baking and screaming into pillows.

Enter Kemi Badenoch, Secretary of State for Business and Trade, who has graced us with her fresh take: this whole Partygate thing was just “overblown.” Yes, you read that right. Overblown. Apparently, we’ve all been in a bit of a tizzy over a harmless workplace happy hour – or seven – that just so happened to break the very rules that were put in place to save lives. Let’s break down her refreshingly nonchalant perspective.

Badenoch has generously reminded us that Partygate was, in her words, a series of “everyday activities.” You know, everyday things like gathering indoors with a large group when gatherings were explicitly banned, raising a glass while the rest of us were raising sourdough starters alone, and generally enjoying the human contact that was forbidden to the rest of society.

To hear Badenoch tell it, the criminalization of these “regular activities” was just a bit much. One wonders what “everyday” means in her book. Because for most of us, “everyday activities” were things like staring at the four walls of our flats, learning to Zoom with the enthusiasm of a cold fish, and seeing family members only through a screen. And let’s not forget all the “regular activities” that were canceled – weddings, funerals, saying goodbye to loved ones in person. But hey, who wouldn’t want to see their elected officials bending the rules so they can blow off a little steam?

To her credit, Badenoch acknowledges there were indeed some “serious issues” during Boris Johnson’s time as Prime Minister. But let’s be clear – Partygate wasn’t one of them, in her view. Apparently, we’re all too fixated on who was popping corks behind closed doors when there were bigger problems, like… well, that’s actually a bit vague. Serious issues, yes, but ones that have nothing to do with lockdown rules or government accountability for said rules.

In Badenoch’s assessment, it’s as though the public’s upset over Partygate was a quaint but misplaced concern – like worrying over spilled milk while the house was on fire. She seems to suggest that we really ought to let this whole "Downing Street rager" narrative go, rather than nitpick over some harmless workplace bonding time. After all, we can't have our leaders held to the same pesky standards as everyone else, can we?

The fines handed out during Partygate have also earned Badenoch’s disapproval. Finding people for “everyday activities” sounds downright ludicrous to her. It’s like she’s saying, “So what if they threw a few parties? Should we really be criminalizing things that people did every day?” You know, except for the minor detail that these weren’t ordinary people doing ordinary things – they were government officials who implemented and enforced the rules in the first place.

Let’s also remember these weren’t your average slap-on-the-wrist fines. No, these were fines that sent a message: rules are rules, even when they’re inconvenient. Or at least, they’re supposed to be. To most of the British public, that seemed fair – because while your Aunt Mildred was fined for sitting too close to a neighbor in the park, the rulemakers themselves were apparently hosting a mini-festival in the office. And yet, according to Badenoch, we were all just being a bit too sensitive.

Interestingly, Badenoch concedes that the public had “every right” to be upset over Partygate. But her sympathy stops there. She’s not exactly defending the parties – she’s just saying, more or less, that the uproar was a bit dramatic. Like getting worked up over someone cutting in line, except this “line” happened to be the government-mandated restrictions that affected every single Briton’s life.

It’s almost like Badenoch is saying, “Sure, you should be upset, but don’t get too upset.” Because at the end of the day, what’s a little hypocrisy between friends? While you were Zoom-calling Granny from the other side of a hospital window, some MPs were playing Pass the Parcel in Number 10. But really, what’s the harm?

In her Partygate defense, Badenoch essentially shrugs off the very notion of government accountability. She’s not denying the parties happened; she’s just saying that our reaction to them was a little excessive. So where does that leave us?

Badenoch’s comments offer a fascinating insight into the minds of some of our leaders. While the rest of us were sticking to the rules, the ones who made them apparently thought they were optional. And now, we’re being told to tone down our disappointment.

Because nothing says “trust in government” like being reminded that we’re overreacting to our leaders blatantly disregarding the very laws they enforced. It’s reassuring to know that while we’re still trying to figure out what the rules even mean anymore, our officials are comfortable dismissing our frustration as “overblown.”

So, next time you’re fined for breaking a minor rule or told to keep calm and carry on, just remember: Partygate was just a misunderstanding – a series of “everyday activities.” Or at least, that’s the story now. Because if there’s one thing British politics has taught us, it’s that accountability is a sliding scale. And apparently, we’re all supposed to slide right along with it.